Listography – Pet Hates

Oh what a hard topic to narrow down to only 5 items. KateTakes5 has provided me with a brilliant sounding board for one of my favourite hobbies: ranting! It is especially relevant for me this week.

• Unfairness

As a teacher I have always tried to demonstrate fairness in my role; it's something that children feel strongly about and the one thing guaranteed to turn a child against you. I've always hated certain aspects:

1. picking teams (yes, probably because I wasn't sporty so I was left 'til last) – I won't allow children to pick groups or teams because there is always one heart-broken child, I'd rather they blame me than each other;
2. lying – I can't do it, physically can't. I go bright red, my heart races and I can't look the person in the eye. I may even cry;
3. cheating – I hit the roof if I see a pupil copying. It is entirely unfair that one child has made all the effort and the other either completely lacks confidence in their own ability to write down their own thoughts, hasn't learnt whatever themselves, or is just too lazy to do it themselves. It's not just children, adults need to get their own ideas and not pinch my blog posts!

• Insolence

No child, when I tell you off, have the God-damned decency to look ashamed and do not answer me back!

Don’t raise your eyebrows at me like that; you are the one in the wrong, not me.

No, don’t say ‘whatever’ to me; it’s incredibly rude!

And darling sister, if you do that ‘tongue pushing your bottom lip out’ thing like I’m a spam-head once more, I will smack you in it, understand?

• Bad driving

Seriously, how did you pass your test? Are you not aware that there are other drivers and pedestrians around you? Have you realised that the lump of metal that you are driving is a lethal weapon? PAY ATTENTION! Stop texting, stop picking your nose (we can see you), put your seatbelt on, put the seatbelt on your child who is crawling across the back seat, put your dog in the boot with one of those metal mesh things between it and the main car, use your indicators for God’s sake, and learn how to reverse-park your Smart car it is not a flipping Sherman tank!

• Pierced ears on children under the age of 8, specifically babies and toddlers

Religious reasons aside (although I’m still not sure I agree with doing that to an infant), why the hell would you pierce a baby or toddler’s ears? They are beautiful enough as it is; don’t spoil their innocent beauty by making holes in their bodies and putting a metal stud in their perfect little ears. That’s just cruel!

• Speaking with your mouth full of food

Ew! I do not want to see masticated food between your gammy lips. First of all close your mouth when you eat. Secondly, don’t even try and talk to me; whatever you have to say can wait thirty seconds until you’ve finished that mouthful, ok? If my 20 month old toddler can manage it, then so can you.

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Now pop over to Kate's blog using the widget on the left, and see what everyone else is moaning about!