So, back to work on Tuesday for me, and tonight I am exhausted, ill and emotional.
The Christmas break was amazing. Nearly three weeks off work (because of the days that I work), filled with happiness, merriment and family time. Hubby took two days off work over that time and we ended up with a five-day Christmas weekend and a four-day New Year's weekend. It was lovely. I thoroughly enjoyed (nearly) every second of it.
Which then makes going back to work even harder.
Tonight, I have felt terrible. Three full days of intensive work with a hacking, tickly and dry cough have meant that tonight I did not have the energy to do a thing. Hubby cooked tea, fed The Boy and put him to bed. I sat downstairs and tried not to cry.
It didn't work, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. There was snot, it wasn't attractive (how come Sandra Bullock never has a leaky nose when she cries?).
And then came the guilt. You know what I'm talking about. The following goes through my mind: I hate leaving him; I did not have a child to not be there for him; I wish to God I was there for him 24/7 but the mortgage needs paying, clothes need buying, food needs to be provided, don't forget the debts!; I am lucky that my mum has him (he gets to spend time with nana & she has an input in his life); I wish it was me that was there everyday; (here we go, the biggy) I am a bad mum.
Only I'm not and I know I'm not.
But God it physically hurts to leave him every single day.
I wish I was lucky enough to be a stay at home mum.
You know my thoughts on this matter already honey. You are NOT a bad mom. What would happen if these bills weren't paid?! You are doing the right thing and it's fab that he is with your mom and not with a strange place. Be strong, you are FAB and it's ok, we all have our off days and contrary to popular belief being a stay at home mom isn't all it's cracked up to be either.
Big hugs xx
I know how you feel but you are NOT a bad mum, how could you be when you care so much? Its almost the weekend!
PS – your boy is gorgeous! 🙂
You are NOT a bad Mummy.
It is really tough being a working Mum, I should know I've been doing it for nearly 12 years.
Some days I am happy being a working Mummy I know that I do it to ensure we have a good quality of life and more importantly a roof over our heads.
On other days I feel terrible, I feel like I am to blame for the fact my eldest has tantrums (even aged 11), I feel bad that I don't send days on end colouring & making things with my daughter. The guilt with the baby hasn't kicked in yet as I'm only working 2 days a week at the moment!
The bad days tend to coincide with when I am tired or when there is some crappy article in the news having a go at working Mums again.
I found it a lot easier to deal with the guilt once my older children started school, it will get easier for you with time.
Three of my kids are now old enough to understand that I go to work so that we can have the life we have & they are quite happy with that. I did have times when they both told me they didn't want me to go to work & that was tough.
I always make sure that we soend quality time together at weekends, no housework jobs are done then as it is our time!
Being a Mum isn't easy, but love & support from friends & family does make it easier.
You are not a bad mum so please do not think that!
I am very lucky to be a SAHM and count myself extremely fortunate because i would have found it very hard to have gone back to work and left B with other people to look after him. I really admire all you working mums because you have a strength i can only imagine.
Your boy is having a wonderful time with your mum and she must be loving the time they spend together aswell, their relationship will be an amazing one. At least by workng you are allowing him a comfortable life without having to miss out on things.
The time that you and him spend together when you a not working is even more special. That is what you must focus on
I hope this has helped you a little and sending you big hugs xxx
It has, thanks. But the initial wrench off maternity leave was almost impossible to describe. Needless to say it was horrendous, but wasn't ever an option. We need my salary.
Don't feel bad,I worked Full time and had a family.I wasn't lucky enough to have a grandparent willing to help with childcare.Mine were in pre and after school and though typical teenagers(we don't agree all the time) if anything they are more independent and self reliant than their peers whose parents haven't worked.I'm not saying I didn't feel guilty some of the time,but as a parent you can only do the best that circumstances allow.I think your son is very lucky to have a parent who cares so much.x
Thank you. I know that by three weeks in, I will be a little more settled, into the routine and will have tucked away that nagging feeling. I am lucky that I am part-time, live 2 minutes from where I work and that my mum has him.
Everyone has said the obvious, of which you are aware, i hope, by now. you are NOT a bad mummy, in fact you are quite the opposite. You are doing what you need to do to provide for yourself and your son. I am sending you HUGE HUGE HUGS and i am glad to hear you feel a bit better tonight. (yes i lurked briefly on twitter in my 2 spare minutes.)
The fact your little angel is counting (or sequencing) and smiling and happy and loving and cuddly and perfect is testement to what an absolutely wonderful mother you are EVERYDAY. Whether you are there with him providing spoon to mouth or whether you are there provoiding him with a roof over his head by going to work.
I am so glad you had a lovely christmas and new year, and as we leave to come back tommorrow i am feeling the slump tonight and i know ill be very sad on monday when OH goes straight back in to work again. But in some way at least we arent waiting for them to go back! lol which is what i expected!
I am going back to work after a year off, last week of march. I am dreading it and am sure you will need to repeat all this back to me ok? lol
Miss you! back tommorrow night late!
Expect timeline chaos monday!
Big cuddles ace mamma!xxx