The Boy has come out with some crackers today, really made me chuckle a lot. We're currently in the car on our way down to the Southampton area for the weekend and he's wide awake and very cheeky! It's 8.30 and he's showing no sign of slumber.

"Daddy? Daddy! Daddy, can you see anything?"
"No, why?"
"Don't worry, it's just because it's dark. Turn your headlights on!"

"Mummy? Mummy! Where is the hot coming from?"
"It's the battery working on the Kurio darling."
"No, it's coming from the hotdog!"

"Why are all the bugs attacking me at the moment? Leave me alone!" (A moth had just flown at my ear and a spider had crawled up my leg)
"I know why mummy, it's because they think you're a flower!"

But the best one from today was when we'd just been to the doctor's and had seen my (not obviously pregnant) friend in the waiting room. We'd just got in the car and were driving up a busy residential road which meant I was concentrating on the traffic and not on his questions.
"Mummy, does she have a child?"
"No darling."
"Is she going to have one?"
"Yes sweetheart. It's growing in her tummy."
"Like I did in yours?"
"Yes darling."
"Mummy, how will it get out?"
A car pulls out in front causing me to pull out the way quickly.
"Um, mummies have a special way to get babies out."
"How mummy?"
"Shush now, I'm driving!"

Eeek!

We've had a couple of gems this week, not one-liners but whole random conversations!

Me: Where shall we go for our picnic?
The Boy: Let's go to the moon mummy!
Me: It's closed today darling, let's find somewhere else to go.
TB: Chris and Pui did go to the moon.
Me: I think it's a bit far.
TB: But they went.
Me: We can only go when we pretend. Shall we go to the beach?
TB: That's where we can have our picnic. Let's bring some bread. Because I like it.
Me: Anything else?
TB: Brioches and mummy's coffee.
(We were having breakfast)

(We were in the car heading to Asda which is next to the football stadium where we met a certain CBeebies presenter last year)

The Boy: Alex is almost as big as mummy and daddy and me. There's a seat Alex could sit in, in the front with Mr. Maker and Mr. Bwoom (Bloom) and his veggies. He can hold his veggies, there's no space for them. They're in the back of the boot.
Me: What are in the back of the boot?
TB: Their seat-belts.
Me: Whose seat-belts?
TB: Mr. Bwoom's veggies. But Mr. Bwoom must sit in the front next to daddy and Alex. But daddy can drive not Alex because he's not as big as daddy.

I've just completely lost it with Mr. TheBoyandMe over something ridiculously small, but of course vitally important. Unfortunately I did it in front of The Boy which, having grown up with arguments galore, I have always tried not to do.

We were sat down at the dinner table eating whilst this tirade was happening, and as much as I tried to remain calm, I was finding it difficult. In the end I thought I'll belt up now because my point is not being understood and I'm just repeating myself.

A silence descended over the table while I stabbed at my carrots, broken by The Boy's babble of "Daddy, you naughty. Mummy, you cross. Mummy, you not cross. Daddy, you not naughty. Mummy, you happy?" and I started to feel bloody awful about myself for putting him through that.

He then pulled his t-shirt up (while he was sat in his highchair) and started fiddling with his buckle. I repeatedly asked him what he was doing but he was so busy concentrating that he didn't listen properly. I turned his head slightly and said, "Look at mummy. What are you doing?"

He looked me fully in the face with his eyes wide and said "I'm itching my willy, Mummy"